The Wind of Your Life
Wind creates new life across the planet. It can blow gently, carrying the seeds of flowers and trees to new destinations. As the wind begins to come to a rest, so do the seeds settling upon the ground. Rain or animals push the seeds into the ground, and the sun warms the earth bringing new beginnings and life as those seeds grow into new trees or beautiful wildflowers.
Wind gives a helping hand. A brisk breeze can move a sailboat easily across the water, bring windmills to life to harness the energy, take a kite soaring into the blue sky, and help trees shed their leaves when it is time for the tree to begin its well earned rest.
Wind can heal. A very hot and humid day becomes bearable as the breeze brings much needed relief. It can push the rainclouds to much needed areas to heal scorched or parched lands. It can push smog and other air pollutants out of stagnation over an area, helping us to breathe air that is cleaner and healthier.
Wind can hurt. Coniferous or pine trees can get windburned from constantly taking the brunt of strong winds, turning their tender branches of leaves and needles brown and dry. The plants in a garden can dry out and suffer. The wind can drive sand, dirt, or other debris into the eyes of Earth’s living beings and creatures. It can bring in pollutants or wildfire smoke from distance places, irritating the lungs, noses, and eyes of all in its wake.
Wind can destroy. It can blow through at incredible speeds and strengths, wiping away everything in its path. It does not discriminate as it tears apart buildings and other structures, pushes cars off of roads, creates sandstorms and blizzards, splits and shears the very trees it helped to bring to life, and capsize boats.
People can learn a lot from the wind.
There are some people who are forces of nature. They blow in like tornadoes and hurricanes declaring, “This is me! Take me as I am or get out of my life!”
They make no apologies as they speak without filters, kick the metaphorical butt, and take no prisoners. They refuse to allow themselves to be vulnerable because they are strong! They don’t need anyone to help them with anything. After all, they have never been able to depend on anyone in life. They’ve been hurt, disappointed, and let down one too many times by those who were supposed to love them or have their best interests at heart. So, they have repeated a mantra to themselves over and over again—that the only person they can depend on is themselves—until it becomes their reality. And the minute they try to be vulnerable to another person, once again, they become disappointed with the outcome, which just seals in their belief that only they can show up for themselves.
I have known people in life, especially other women, who have held others at arm’s-length and considered their significant others as weak and unreliable. I have heard on many occasions, “I don’t need a man in my life. I’m a strong woman and can do things myself! My mom was a strong woman and so was my grandma. None of us need any man for anything!”—only to complain in the next breath how their significant others never help them with the kids, seem distant, don’t understand or ask how they are feeling, and never ask them if they would like help with something.
Open up and take a chance at being vulnerable? Not on your life! It’s easier to maintain the strength of a mountain than it is to allow disappointment and hurt to enter the heart and seep into the subconscious that somehow they’re not worthy enough for someone’s time and attention. So the winds within continue to build and build and build. Resentments gather strength. The story of your life takes on a life of its own, reinforced by these strengthening winds. The value of the other person begins to diminish in your eyes and your perception of them as your winds grow bigger and bigger, churning faster and faster.
Let us take a look at what happens when the wind blows too fierce for too long. I will use Wyoming as an example. The strong winds blow year round and is only second to Alaska as the windiest state in the nation. Wyoming is also the least populated state. Why?
Years ago, Rob had a job interview for a position in Cheyenne, Wyoming. Excited at the prospect of living there, we began to research all that we could about what our lives would be like should everything work out well. We discovered that it is a tax payer’s dream come true. No state personal or corporate income tax. No real estate taxes on the sale of your home. Very low property taxes. No inheritance or estate taxes. No state gift tax. No taxes on food or gasoline. And the list goes on. It’s super friendly tax-wise to its residents, businesses, and retirees. Wyoming has an abundance of sunshine. There’s beautiful mountains and plains. Outdoor activities abound. So why did people not want to live there?
The number one reason I found was the wind. Strong, relentless wind. The wind makes the air arid and dries out the landscape. Most of the year, the prairies suffer from drought and wildfires. In the winter, wind creates blizzards and makes the air frigid, driving extreme windchill temperatures into becoming unbearable to sustain being outside for very long.
Many people who have taken the leap of faith and moved their lives to Wyoming left within the year…two years tops.
When you blow around in your life like a hurricane or extreme wind gales, even the most resilient and devoted people in your life start to suffer. Taking the brunt of the wind will only last for so long before these other people withdraw for self-preservation, decide they’ve had enough and move to where the wind is not so damaging, and stop engaging to get relief from your inner wind.
Not to mention what it does to yourself. It’s just not sustainable over the long run and then you’re left depleted. It is in this period of depletion that we finally admit we need help with something, but no one shows up for you because you have put up this hurricane-strength front for so long—that you’re a force to be reckoned with—that they do not recognize when you do need help, whether it be someone to take the reins for a little bit, needing a hug, needing someone to check in to see if you’re doing okay, or giving you the helping hand that you so desperately want but do not want to be vulnerable enough to ask for. They do not recognize the signs you’re struggling because you have taught them for so long that you are not. Remember? You’re strong and don’t need anyone!
As the hurt settles in, it festers. It validates all your hurricane wind beliefs. Then it builds and builds and builds again, in a never-ending cycle. Until one day, it destroys as it becomes unbearable to sustain and lashes out.
On the other side of this, there are people who have no wind. They do not like to stir the pot or create waves. They deny their true feelings, wants, and needs. They remain quiet, hoping not to bring attention to themselves. Perhaps a life situation somewhere within their years in this world had taught them that they were not worthy enough, strong enough, or capable enough of an inner wind that could create new life, take them to new places, help and heal in small or big ways in this world, or carry their voices to express themselves in their authentic best. So they sit in the background, while life moves all around them.
What happens to a sailboat without any wind? It sits dead on the water, going no where. What happens to the air above you without wind? Smog, allergens, dust, and other pollutants become a stagnant mess in an unhealthy environment…which then winds up in your lungs, drinking water, and sinuses. Rain clouds will not move in, drying up the earth and killing life.
You need wind to survive. And you need an inner wind to really live, thrive, and grow. You have hopes, dreams, goals. But those things need action to come to fruition.
The trick is to learn how to temper your inner wind to a breeze that’s gentle. And sometimes brisk when the situation calls for it. A wind that creates, helps, and heals. A wind that works hand in hand with other elements. A wind that calls for some vulnerability. After all, it does not create, help, and heal on its own. To grow a new tree, the wind cannot do it by itself. It needs the sun, rain, and sometimes animal intervention to help sow and grow the seed. The wind cannot bring rainclouds without the particles of dust it kicks into the atmosphere. It cannot exist without air pressure. It is not an invincible force of its own. And neither are you.
Be willing to try to open up and be more vulnerable. I won’t lie to you. It’s going to be hard, especially if you’ve been repeating the same story to yourself over and over again throughout your life. We’re human. And when we get hurt, we don’t like that feeling. It feels terrible! So, we do what we can to avoid future incidents of hurt even if it means putting walls up and pushing people away. And it’s going to be hard for those around you because you’ve taught them so well to fit your narrative of being so strong that you don’t need anyone or anything. They may not even listen or take you seriously at first.
It will take the art of repetition until it becomes a habit. Once it becomes a habit, it progresses to becoming your reality. Keep repeating that you need help when you really do. You are not a one person army and there are times when despite your strengths, capabilities, and talents, the burden becomes too heavy. So express that you need someone to check in on you every now and then. That you need that hug. That you don’t want to do everything on your own. That you need to take a break from being the “strong one.” Because it’s not sustainable. And when it’s not sustainable, you become depleted. When you become depleted, you have nothing left in your well to give to others…and most importantly yourself.
Vulnerability is not a weakness. It’s self-care and healthy self-preservation. And when others see that they have an opportunity with you to create, help, and heal, you’ll be surprised that people will show up for you. Maybe not in the exact manner you envisioned it should arrive, but it will in some form.
I’m not talking about becoming someone who does not want to help themselves and instead chooses to take, take, take from others to avoid their personal responsibilities and clean up the messes they’ve made. But that’s for another blog. It’s more like being a person that Grandma-san described to Rob and I. She was an elderly Japanese woman we loved while living in Japan. When our oldest child was born, Grandma-san gave her a special Japanese name. We can’t remember what it was because we didn’t have the foresight then to write it down lest we forget it over the many years since, but it translates into: Being like the bamboo, so strong that it doesn’t break, but yet is gentle enough to bend with the wind.
As I said before, we’re human. Are you going to still have those hurricane moments? Of course. Everyone does at some point. Even those who go through life with little to no wind, because not even that is sustainable in the long run. Something gives at some point, and it’s usually not pretty. In those moments of forceful wind, things could get hurt. That’s when we have to course correct and nip it in the bud before it can destroy. Like the wind around a wildfire, it can help by changing direction back towards already burned areas allowing firefighters to get the upperhand on the blaze, or die down allowing them to contain it and finally put it out. Or it can whip the fire into a frenzy and drive it even faster across the landscape, burning down everything in its path and taking lives.
It’s your choice to decide which wind to keep within, but the clear choice will always be the sustainable one.
So create, help, and heal. Don’t get rid of the wind within your life. You were meant to move with the flow of life and live as the true you—the one who realizes that nothing can survive, thrive, and grow without other elements joining forces. You are not alone. You have never been alone.